Why does baseball make me cry?

"It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart." -- A. Bartlett Giamatti

Thanks Bart. Mission accomplished. I find it ironic these are the words that I have repeated several hundreds of times and today the Red Sox sit on both sides of this quote. From Oct. 2, 1978 and Buddy F'ing Dent who hit a wall to deep left to win the AL East Playoff ... to today ... watching the vanquished Tribe lay listless ... helpless ... beaten by a better team.

The ghost of Bart Giamatti lingers on, as does the curse of Rocky Colavito. I bet they are playing pinochle somewhere up there ,yucking it up.

I am going to go cry some more now.

How not to get your ass kicked at a visitng stadium

I am ok with LeBron being a Yankees fan. Really, I am. This isn't another hate LeBron post. In fact, I give him credit for at least admitting and standing up for the fact that he is partisan. No Hillary alternating Cubs-Yankees BS here.

I just think he could use a few pointers.

Who are you to judge?, you may ask. Well, I've spent my adult life watching the Indians and other Cleveburg sports teams in visiting stadiums. Living a year in Chicago, five years in Boston and six in New York has taught me to try to not get my ass kicked at a game.

(I only came close once where I led a charge of J-E-T-S! SUCK SUCK SUCK! on a NYC Browns Backers pilgrimage to the Meadowlands. I may have had a few beers.)

My top 10 pointers:

1. DON'T EVER take off your hat or other paraphernalia, no matter how bad the score gets. You only make yourself a magnet for more criticism. Stand proud, take the loss stoically like a good fan should. (LeBron violated this in the 6th inning).
   
2. DO come informed, really know your stuff. The burden of information is 2x for outsiders for stadium cred. e.g. "Yanks may have a tough time with CC. Torre left all the lefty batters in the lineup."
3. DO throw any potential hecklers one compliment for their team. e.g. "I am much more comfortable with Rivera v. Borowski in a 5 game series."
4. DON'T overly cheer for a great play when you are losing. You just become that guy.
   
5. DO applaud great plays for both teams. e.g. "You just gotta tip your hat on that one."
6. DON'T get obliterated. No matter how bad the score is, you will not be able to get drunk enough fast enough on stadium beer to numb a blowout and continue watching. Just leave. I've tried this and I can't reiterate this fact enough.
7. DO smugly gloat when winning. A smiling "aww yeah" head nod and some standing clapping goes a long way.
   
8. DON'T continue to taunt in the tunnel on the way out. The visiting fan hit-and-run is just too easy to execute here.
   
9. DON'T taunt in Philly. While Boston and New York are tough, I find most real fans respectful of what you are trying to do. In the 215, you might not make it out of there alive.
   
10. DON'T taunt in LA. No one cares about sports there. It's just not worth the effort.
    

Enjoy not getting your ass kicked. Your spouse or sig other will thank me later.

Guest Blogger: Ethan Koehler - Tribal Predictions

Today, I am too paralyzed today to think of anything pithy to say about the 2007 Indians postseason campaign. Luckily, my best friend from high school, Ethan Koehler, has the following predictions that I wanted to share with you in this guest blog.

(IGSMTOMM claims no responsibility for Ethan's content or its vulgarity. He sent it to Bill Simmons, and of course it'll be rejected, so I put it up on a little piece of the internet for him. I love the guy, and there are some great nuggets in here. But seriously, he's nuts.)

* * * * *

What do you think, fellow Tribesmen? I've gotta start by saying I LOVE being in New York for this series. It's really fun to trade barbs with Yankees fans--they don't get true fandom and they know it after about 30 seconds of debate. Plus, I'm feeling very strongly about this year's team.

Everyone keeps talking about Borowski's balloon like ERA--any way to slice it, he's tougher than Mesa, doesn't walk as many as Wickman and doesn't throw 90 mph straight down the center like Ker Plunk or Riske.

I think:

• Hafner continues to rake and carries this team a la Vlad G a few years ago.
• Martinez is the MVP of the series, even though Hafner will really deserve the honors. Martinez is gets stroked by all the media outlets. It shall continue.
• CC and Carmona shut this lineup down at home.
• Wang gives up 4 runs in 6 innings. We win 4-2.
• Pettite pitches well, but loses 5-3. Carmona has 27 groundouts.
• Westbrook doesn't make it out of the fifth.
• Clemens doesn't make it out of the second.
• Tribe loses a barn burner as Borowski gives up 14 in the 9th. Tribe 34, Yankees 35.
• Joba Chamberlein pitches lights out all series long until game 5. He proceeds to sh*t the bed.
• Playing Doug Mentkeiticz at first is going to come back to bite Torre at the plate.
• A-Rod: if he gets a hit in his first at bat, you walk him EVERY time he's up with a man on.
• Guitierrez has a monster series.
• Garko plays so well, everyone in NY talks about the Yankees getting him in 2010 when his Indians contract is up.
• Abreu sprains his labia trying to steal first.
• Cano KILLS us
• Jeter gets caught on camera with his man-love
• Torre cries
• Posada gets a splinter in the second game due to refusing to wear batting gloves and is shut down with an infection from pine tar in his blood stream. He dies days later.
• Johnny Damon and Kenny Lofton have a pregame contest on who has the weaker outfield arm. Lofton wins with a long toss of 5 feet. Damon breaks his right arm forcing a throw to second base after catching a fly ball out.
• A Rod, after losing, falls in love with Indians organization and promises to take an 80% pay cut in order to play here (there). Shapiro and Wedge decline, citing poor morals (mistresses) and team chemistry concerns. A Rod signs with the Giants for $35m a year and never plays in another October.
• Paul O'Neil turns out to be the "other" man in the Jeter photo.
• Steinbrenner cedes control to his former son in law who signs Brian Cashman to a lifetime contract, guaranteeing the Yankees won't see another Series title for at least another 30 years as Cashman is the WORST general manager in professional sports. The world rejoices.
• Cerrano lights Jobu's cigar which lifts the curse of Cleveland Municipal stadium,t he Indians finally win the World Series. This is after the CIA kidnaps Tony Fernandez and Mesa and takes them some random eastern European country in an effort to ensure they can't f*ck us TWICE.
• Tribe in 4 if they start CC twice.
• Tribe in 5 if Byrd gets the ball in game 4. He'll give up 234,243 runs in 1/3 of an inning.
• Go Tribe!

Panel Redux 2007: Define Knowledge, Be Brief

One of the most trafficked posts on this blog is something I wrote a year and half ago on how to moderate a panel. Since I am helping organize a few panels and conferences this season, I'd like to update this with some tactical recommendations on how to present on a panel when you are asked to show how you do something at your firm.

Typical industry panel presentations of this ilk go something like this:

1. Introduction of the firm one represents (located in New York, 1000 employees, $54B under management)
2. Description of a process at their firm (how we do CRM, how we structure our sales team, etc,)
3. [Results ] - I bracket this, since it is rarely presented.

Sigh. Reaching for your blackberry yet? Perhaps strategizing on your cocktail hour attack? Trolling through the attendee list? I'd bet most likely so. Conference goers are a cynical lot, aren't they? (we?)

Most panelists wait for the last possible moment to share the thing that people most want to hear. I say change that. Front load it and give them a little instant gratification. Here is a generic plan.

1. R.POV/8. What is your Remarkable Point of View in 8 words or less? Throw that up there as your first slide. Why are you or your firm there? What do you believe? You have to let us know why you are up there and the rest of the hundreds or thousands of us are down here listening!

2. What are the results? That goes next. Quick! Before you lose them. How did you get there? How much money did you save or make? What happened to the % increase in customer satisfaction? Time reduced in lead time? How much closer did you get to a six sigma error rate? Give me numbers, please! Show me the scoreboard!

3. What were the three factors to success? Most panelists cherish completeness to tell the whole process they or their firm goes through. Give me the "Keys to the Game." Oh, and I mean 3.

4. Give me screenshots, a demo, or the internal documents. Let me see the real McCoy. If your CRM system is so great, give me a test drive. I want to see how you did it and what it looks like? Don't worry about competition, it is all about execution anyway. That I can see what another firm does and their strategy doesn't make it any easier for me to viably, and commercially duplicate as my own.

I am admittedly attention deficient these days, but I think that these principles can provide benefits for all of us in attendance. I will try to do the same myself. See you out there on the conference circuit.

cross posted at the kasina blog